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Conversations with Father (about men & dating)

  • Me:

    I just watched a show about how successful (i.e. college educated) black women are not getting married.

  • Him:

    Why is that a show? What's the problem? A black woman is better off by herself than with a black man that will bring her down. There's no point in getting married unless it's about mutual love and respect.

  • Me:

    Well a lot of the black men on the show said that the reason black women are single is because they expect too much.

  • Him:

    Psh. Black women do not expect too much! What is a black woman supposed to do? She is educated. She has her life in order. And she is supposed to get with any old man because he didn't get his life together but still feels he is entitled to any woman he wants?

  • Me:

    Well they said that you have to look at a man's potential.

  • Him:

    That's what they want you to think so that you don't require anything in actuality from them. You look at who a man is. Not who he says he will be.

  • Me:

    The show also talked about why a lot of men cheat. They said it's because women were not keeping them happy or not sexually doing what they want.

  • Him:

    That's ridiculous. There's no reason for anybody to cheat. If a man is grounded then he will love his partner enough not to cheat.

  • Me:

    They also said that you need to make a man feel like a man.

  • Him:

    If I am a man then why would I need a woman to make me feel like a man?

  • Me:

    I don't know.

  • Him:

    A real man does not need a woman to make him feel like a man. He is a man, isn't he? Men who say that have an inferiority complex.

  • Me:

    Well they were saying that they need to feel like they wear the pants in the relationship.

  • Him:

    Look. A man does not feel threatened by anyone unless he does not have his own life together. And in that case he will be threatened whether a woman lays down and lets him walk all over him or if she makes more money or anything else.


This woman was a school bus driver. A school bus driver. Someone caught her on tape. If not for that, we’d all be hearing the, “well who can really say what’s in someone’s heart” okie doke, often used by white people to cover for other white people

Or my other favorite soft racism denial trope: “well…she’s not REALLY a racist, she’s just ignorant” Only white people who have never and will never experience racism dare to use that kind of obtuse reasoning. The end result: we’ve successfully managed to avoid correctly labeling and identifying another white person as racist even when they very obviously are. And then, just for good measure, we’re also supposed to engage in even more post racial feel good tropes

This “racists aren’t really racist” bs really pisses me off because there are consequences for constantly pretending that white people aren’t racist unless we catch them on film wearing their KKK robe: such constant denial benefits white people and only white people, and it quietly maintains the status quo —note that this white woman IMMEDIATELY proceeded to 1) deny she is a racist and 2) lie about her life being threatened and being “under attack” by the neighborhood kids, even though she’s the only one heard on tape who threatened to “slit someone’s throat”…but you better believe that her unsupported accusation against black kids is one that far too many school principals, police officers and disproportionately white juries are always—EAGERLY—willing to believe

So follow me here: on the one hand, we’re all supposed to pretend that almost nooo white people are racist anymore (they’re just harmlessly ignorant remember?)

But on the other hand, we have white juries sending black people to prison for decades for selling a dime bag, and you got cops killing us just for standing on street corners. Because of “suspicious activity” or “reasonable fear”

The net result is that black and brown people keep getting discriminated against in jobs & housing, keep getting jailed by white juries and murdered by the police, but nobody’s “really” racist. To recap: it’s rarely about actual racism, but black people keep repeatedly suffering from the same old nameless but completely structural social malady…is that the deal?

You tell me, exactly who does pretending that America is (almost) post-racial really help, and who does it always hurt?

Bottom line: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with calling a racist a racist and you should question the motives of anyone who says otherwise

TheRoot article (with audio) here

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Stop Chasing the Curl Dragon


Stop Chasing the Curl Dragon


I’m sorry but it needs to be said. Some of us in the Natural haired community are driving a wedge between the whole lot with this constant quest to define, find, or make some damn curls in their hair! There’s no other way to describe this other than chasing the curl dragon. It is so unnecessary and a little disheartening…

I understand. You are a newly Natural or thinking about going Natural. You…

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Obama and _____

Obama and Oprah Winfrey
Obama and Denzel Washington
Obama and Stevie Wonder
Obama and Jackie Chan
Obama and Michael Jordan
Obama and Patti LaBelle
Obama and Spike Lee
Obama and Beyonce/Jay Z
Obama and Alicia Keys
Obama and Al Sharpton

The white house has never seen so many black people…

except for when it was built.


*sips tea*

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